I’m done, I’m done. I have waited for you, I have prayed, cried, studied your word, worshiped, loved, praised and served. Here I am, feeling lost, hopeless, in the same place where you left me. I’m done living by faith; I’m done trusting YOU. Lord, I love you, at least I think I do, but I am done. I’ll make my own decisions from now on, at least that way I’ll see change, even if it’s in the opposite direction, at least its change!!!! What change have you made? Why did you promise me so much when you weren’t going to give it to me? Why do I feel lost when you said that you would make my path clear? Why am I still sick when you promised me healing? Why did you promise life but everything around me is dead? I am better off going back to the past you saved me from… was it really saving, it wasn’t that bad now that I think about it. I don’t want to wait anymore.
Your Frustrated Daughter
I waited for 20 years to see God’s face. I was not raised to truly know God. I was not raised in the church, my parents were Christians and I never had a church family to back me up.
Fortunately, I was still brought up knowing that there was a God, I knew that his son was Jesus Christ, and I knew a couple of bible stories, but I longed for more.
I was that child that was serious about church thinking that church was synonymous with God. On the occasions that I went, I took notes, I kept quiet, and I tried really hard to understand this God that my grandmother would sing hymns to.
In the midst of hopping from church to church, I tried to understand Him. In the midst of religious confusion, I tried to understand Him.
I sought Him, but I never seemed to reach Him. I went from being a joyful child to an angry one that was hurt that she could not feel the love that her father in heaven seemed to be giving to others.
The anger grew into a prideful and hardened heart that pushed me even further away from finding Him.
I waited and waited, and it seemed like I would never find Him. But one day I lifted my head up from my sorrow and pain and saw Him, it was like I had always knew Him. All the pain I had felt slowly disappeared; the barricades around my heart fell.
The one that I waited for was better than I had ever imagined.
The truth is, even when I didn’t know Him, He knew me and loved me. While waiting for Him, He was already doing a good work in me and was directing my path so that I could find Him.
The issue was never that He was hidden, but that I hid.
I waited for 20 years to receive Him fully, but in those 20 years, He never separated himself from me. The pain, the trials, and the tears all ended in that beautiful moment when we finally collided.
It’s Not Over Yet
Maybe you haven’t waited 20 years for anything, or maybe you have. Never forget that God is doing a good work in you, do not lose hope. When you collide with whatever you are waiting for, all the worries will wash away. God is doing a good work in you, so stay strong, don’t allow the devil to sidetrack and distract you. Stay in position knowing that God will reward you. If it’s not good then it is not done, if you aren’t healed, that means healing is still on its way. If you feel lost, clarity will soon knock on your door. If you haven’t gotten married, your spouse is still being prepared. If you haven’t found your dream job, the Lord is preparing the company officials to warmly welcome you. God’s gifts are not time sensitive, you will get what you’re waiting for at the exact time that you are meant to get it, and it won’t feel like it came late. I waited for 20 years, but my wait did not determine the transformation God has done in my life in this early part of my walk. Your time will come because we serve a God that doesn’t know how to be anything other than faithful.
“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”
Dear God, teach me to wait for you. I no longer want my waiting season to be one of bitterness. Teach me to wait joyfully and expectantly knowing that you only have plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Lord, I give you full control over this waiting season; I surrender knowing that I will not be able to do it without you. Help me to see that you have not left my side as I wait. Help me to see that you are preparing me to embrace the gifts that you are sending my way. Lord, you are such a good father, thank you for what you have done, thank you for what you are doing and thank you for what you will do.