Veiled: not enough
I was always too tall, too dark. Not fast enough, pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough. Too mature, too childish, too messy, too bossy, too OCD. I was always in comparison.
Somehow, I was never enough. Whether for my parents, my family, friends, coaches or teachers. I was always doing something wrong or lacking in an area. I started adopting those lies and believing them, which later caused me to doubt my ability in what I could do and most importantly what God could do through me. People around me would always compare me to a friend or another family member, “why can’t you be girly like (insert name here)?”, “(insert name here) got all A’s and no B’s but you have more B’s than A’s” etc etc.
At first, it was those around me that used the weapon of comparison towards me, but I soon found myself using their language. I began to compare myself to others without the help of anybody else.
I started comparing myself to the so-called “pretty and skinny” girls in school, lessening my worth to particular appearances that I would never attain. More time was spent trying to get rid of my uniqueness instead of embracing how God created me to be. I was never enough, even for myself. I was never enough.
BUT GOD! Changed my heart like only He could. I began to realize that my worth came from Him and not my accomplishments. My qualifications come from Him. (2 Corinthian 3:5) That I can study as much as I want, I could have the GPA, I could have the looks, that I could do everything in my power to be enough in the eyes of others but only His voice was important. (Luke 1:37)
I was no longer bound by the words people attributed to me. I was free, free to live a life where my environment did not place any shackles on me.
There is no point in comparing myself to people when none of us are made to be the same. God reminds me that He has made me unique and loves me uniquely. (Psalm 139) Jesus died for me, yes for me, and that alone reveals my worth to Him and His love for me.
I finally realized that lessening who I was and hiding was taking away from who God called me to be. To truly unveil, I had to embrace the painful process of healing. The process of healing is not an easy one and it is one that I ran away from. It seemed to me that I was going through the same hardships over and over again, and I became fed up! I would ask God why I felt like I was going through the same things, and He revealed that it was because I wasn’t allowing myself to go through the healing process. You cannot move forward without facing past hurts and issues of self-worth.
I can say that I am at a better place today, but it took me awhile to get to this point. I have learned that if I am going to ask God to use my life for His glory, I cannot dampen my light. Although I have come a long way, it is important that I continually use the truth of God to affirm myself.
Security in Christ
Now that I understand and accept God’s love for me, I am able to love myself and see myself the way that He sees me. I am able to rid myself of the orphan identity that I carried and embraced for so long. I can fully walk in the position He has given me as His child.
Verses I speak over myself that affirm my identity and worth in Christ
• Genesis 1:27
• Deuteronomy 7:6-9
• Jeremiah 29:11
• Jeremiah 31:3
• Zephaniah 3:17
• Matthew 10:30-31
• Romans 8:38
• Ephesians 3:20
• Ephesians 5:1-2
• Revelation 4:11
• Isaiah 43:1-4
Wasnt that a blessing to read. I pray that it has helped you in your own journey. Comparison is such a trap. When we are focused on fitting another mold, we can never truly focus on our own mold, the one that God so intricately created. The truth is that there are treasures in you that need to be unveiled, the world needs it to be unveiled. We don’t need two Lolas or two Karens in the world, one of each is enough.
I pray that you will begin to understand the unique love that God has for you. He wants to do something in YOU and through YOU, no sin in the world changes that goal. Therefore, I urge you to go to your heavenly father, repent, and allow Him to heal the seeds of comparison and insecurity that have been planted in you. Affirm yourself in the word of God. It is time for you to rise up and shine beautifully!
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Thank you, Lola, for sharing your story. We pray that God will continue to unveil the beautiful person that you are. May God favor you.
Thumbs up if you are ready to unveil!