Presenting Dan and Duana, my friends, and leaders at Destiny Harvest Church. Here is a snippet of my interview with them regarding relationships.
How did you meet?
Dan: I saw her at church, and she caught my attention, so for a while, I did my research on her.
Duana: He pretended that he was interested in helping me out in children’s ministry and got my number through that…I was totally unaware that he had a plan all along.
When did you have you First date?
Duana: We had a mini date at Starbucks, then he asked me on an official date.
We dated 2 ½ years in total, got engaged after a year of dating, and got married on May 30th, 2015.
How should men pursue women?
Dan: 90% of guys pursue the wrong way. Long before she knew that I liked her, I knew what she liked, her favorite color etc.… I already knew what her interests were before I approached her.
Tip: Do your legwork first! Move slow beforehand (before the approach), then be decisive and quick when it comes to making a decision…do not string anyone along.
What do you say to people that say that they are too young to get married?
Dan: If you are spiritually and mentally mature and have a balanced life, then you are ready.
If you can see yourself being stable for the next 5 years, then there should be no reason for you to not get married.
“Maturity is not how old you act, maturity is how far you can see.”
What is the difference between Christian dating and worldly dating?
Dan: The goal for worldly dating is for someone to be your emotional sponge, someone that will fulfill the role of a husband or wife without being married.
Christian dating- Has perspective & Goal
However, some people take dating too seriously. “ If we go out on one date, we need to follow all these rules,” sometimes there is soo much pressure that dating becomes a whole bunch of rules and become extremely constricted… this makes it hard to just say to someone that the date was fun but will not work out.
A lot of people are blocked in a situation where they might not necessarily like a person but now feel that they must stay in the relationship because they are courting.
Remember, “You aren’t married until you are married”. Some people need a few dates to figure out what they like, others like myself know exactly what they want. I dated one person, and I married that person.
What are some of your dating rules?
- The person should be a mutual friend, just so you know where people are coming from.
- The guy MUST have a plan even if the doesn’t have money. It’s almost kind of fun to build together. You need to be able to see what that person has the ability to do.
- Date one level outside your league!
- Have friends that will support you
How do you set up boundaries?
Duana: You better Netflix & Chill with a whole group of people.
Dan: It all depends on where you are and what you know about yourself, boundaries all depend on the person. Have sober judgment and don’t be stupid!
Don’t look at how close to the line can we get, that is basically asking, how far away from God can we get without messing up. Instead, ask, what can we do in order to finish this game strong.
Tip: When I was single, I conducted myself like I was married, I don’t give females hugs, I give hi-fives, I want it to be so hard for me to sin.
Don’t play around with what God gives you!
What prepared you to be in a relationship or marriage when you were single?
Dan: Absolutely nothing! You won’t be ready until you are ready
You can do whatever you like when you are single, you don’t have to manage your time base on someone else, so take advantage of this. Focus on the important stuff, be disciplined and learn how to grind.
Duana: I would recommend pre-marital counseling, but there are still things that won’t come up until you are married, so be prepared. “Experience is the best teacher.”
Major key: Lock in your Finances, discipline, & spiritual walk before marriage
How do you combat loneliness as a single?
Duana: I used to hate being single, but I got to a point where I had to ask myself “ what if I never get married”? From that, I just started focusing on seeking after God and looked away from relationships. I wasn’t dependent on having a man to be happy.
Dan: Understand that there are seasons and that God has something he is trying to teach you in that season.
People spend the whole time looking for the exit and not looking for the lesson.
If you don’t focus on the reason for the season, and if you aren’t allowing God to work on those things that need to be changed, the right one won’t come along. People are going to come along and if you aren’t focused on what God has for you, you will jump on whatever joker comes to you first.
There you have it ladies and gents, wise words from a married couple of two years. It was such an honor to interview them, not only are they caring, funny and kind, but they have a heart for God that spoke through this message. Dan and Duana remind us that relationships are a beautiful thing but must be done with the help God. Focus on the season God has placed you in, and don’t try to take shortcuts. Build your discipline, finances and spiritual walk and be prepared to grow and learn even once you get into that relationship.
Thank you so much to Dan and Duana for taking their time out to give advice for christian singles. The IAMKYT extends their blessings out to you and prays that your two years will become 70.